So here I go.
I had this account a while, but never knew what to write.
I guess I’m not even sure why I do this. I suppose I do this mainly for myself as there are so many bloggers out there and I don’t think anyone would be interested of my ramvel8ngs, but anyway.
The name is from the Bruce Springsteen song ‘the Promise’ and I was hit by this sentence when I first heard the song!
‘Every day it gets harder to live, the dream you believing in’
Wow. What a powerful statement. True, but it hit me, that the dream I hoped my life would turn out to be, with a ‘healthy-normal’ child or even more children would never happen.
And yes, every day I hang onto this dream, it does get harder. Churnes my insides out, and the grief of loss and what could have been, hit me so hard.
Our little Miss J turned 10 yesterday. What an milestone. We had so many adventures on this journey so far already and met the most amazing people, kids and friends, who helped, guided and taught us so much. We are so grateful for everyone and all the good things that happened to us and Miss J.
But the dream I believed in? Well it hit me hard last night. Right about the time 10 years ago when my wife gave birth to our daughter and she got taken away to get resuscitated. 4 hours we were left alone in a room with no word of what happened. Is she alive or dead???
I could tell so much more, but fact is that both our dream died that day. And sometimes it comes back and hits you hard….
But Miss J survived, although severely disabled, but we made her our new dream. And although very hard, she taught us so much about live that my old dream wouldn’t have shown us, or the friends we all made, most in the same lost dream, but fighters and good people all.
But also the friends I thought we can rely on and help us through this difficult time. Time and distance can be hard and everyone got their own lives to live. But you can feel betrayed at times that so many people not helped or kept in touch. I guess that’s how life works.
Anyway I’m on night shift looking after Miss J and trying to get her back to sleep. Look8ng after her 24 hours can be hard.
Goodnight and hope you all find your own dream and that it comes true…..